Tuesday, Jan. 11, 2005 | 1:32 A.M.
March 2002
And so it continues...
I have much to talk about, but not about anything important, but I mean, what is really important that I write in this thing to convey to the rest of the internet world? Not much, but fuck it anyways.
It's going to be rambled, but what else would you expect from me?
Does anyone find it weird to see an H2 Hummer parked in a handicap spot that legally can park there? Meaning, there is a handicap person driving around in a H2. This really blows my mind. Why would anyone who is handicap want to be driving a H2? First, you got the stepping up into the thing, which anyone with restrictive mobility is no easy task trying to climb. Second, this thing is huge. So quick reflexes are a must, but when I think about handicap, I don't think quick reflexes. I told Erin this and she thought it was also quite as funny to see a handicap sticker/plate on a sports car. I guess they are thinking, "I'm already handicapped, death isn't much further along," cause, you know, sports cars aren't the most safest vehicles on the road anyway.
I think I am a very lucky guy, and I tell you why. You know all those jokes about guys falling asleep as soon as they finish having sex, and how dumb it makes men look and how the women are never satisfied and yada yada yada? I don't have to worry about that. My girl falls asleep after we have our fun. Imagine the emotional stress that has been lifted to know I never have to deal with that. Such freedom.
-------------------------------------
Well, in the time it took you to read this far, I have made a decision for my March 2002 best entry, and here it is.
--------------------------------------
I guess I am blessed by the fact that I can relive my past through the diaries of younger people, mainly my audience. And I know much of you think of it as a curse to live your life, I'm sure you'll feel comfort to know that you are helping my life in the mean time. I know, send your thankful cards later. I don't know what it is about being a teenager that makes your emotions soo fucked up. I have no clue. Everything is a life/death decision and if you make the wrong one, you die inside, and no one understands you. Mainly, these two entries from Rosy Tears and JB the Chosen One.
I find it that when you are in a bad mood or depressed or whatever, in a funk, you tend to look at your past, and it seems one of two things happen: When you look at your past, you see the bad things that lead up to your current siuation, or you look at your past, and see the good things that happened then, but are not now. In either case, you still feel like shit. I wonder why. Why do we make ourselves feel like shit? What kind of fucked-up head games are we playing with ourselves?
Also, decisions. They are a tricky thing. You will make wrong ones more than you will right ones. Of course, you think the wrong ones are wrong ones because of what is currently happening, and how you are stupid and worthless and are going to suffer trememdously because of it. I can only think of certain decisions that will ultimately change your life for the worst. One being killing someone and being put in jail. Well, just going to jail is enough. Cheating on a loved one. That will stick with you for the rest of your life.
I know that I am speaking from a more experienced position and my side that would identify with ya'll is almost gone, just from experience and thought. Not everything is terrible. And you'll get things and it will become easier. Now that isn't to say something more difficult will come along once you figured out one area, because it will. That's pretty much life. We have to learn to live with it. At times, we must do things we dont' want to do to get away from it.
I believe I have grown in almost three years of writing in this diary, from ages 22-25. But that may be just me thinking that. Maybe I want to think that. And that pretty much all that matters. That and I am really stubborn.