Wednesday, Feb. 16, 2005 | 11:41 P.M.
October 2002
I meant to write in this earlier, but Erin was hungry and I had to made her something to stop that hunger, so I didn't. And I know that I have had two or three topics in my head for about two days now that I've wanted to talk about, but when I sit down to right, I forget about them.
Ah, I remember one of them now. I think I know why, maybe, it is hard for us as human to remember the good things compared to the bad things. When bad things happen, the weight of the world is on our shoulders, we have a heavy burden to bare, we are down...bad things are the heavy things in life. But the good things, the weight has been lifted off our shoulders, we feel light, we are walking in the clouds...the good things lifts us up. It seems that because the bad things are soo weighty, it stays with us, they seem real. You can see it in our faces and the way we carry ourselves. But when things are good, it almost seems like a dream, or a fancy thought in our heads. It doesn't have depth or well, weight, to it, so it seems to pass our memories as dreams or fantasies, while the bad are burdens we must bare. It just seems odd.
I do feel like I am getting prepared for something bigger. Like this is just something I have to go through, like in school, I have to go through the basics in order to move on. I do think I am intelligent, though maybe not in a conventional way. I don't know if that makes me better or worse. It never seems that way. If a kid acted up in class, it is because he is very intelligent and is bored, or he is just a trouble-maker. It someone comes up with a crazy idea, he is either a genius or mad. It is either good or bad. Doesn't seem like many things are in the middle anymore. Much like me. I am either good or bad, don't really consider things in the middle, as much as I want to think I am a compromiser, but I am that probably to avoid conflict.
Apparently, according to my waist-to-hips ratio, I am very attractive to women. I have a .9 ratio. You can go look it up on the internet if you want to believe me.
Oh yeah, before I forget, here is my favorite entry for October 2002.
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I would also like to thank Lucid-Denial for the message in her diary. I'm glad I can help. I always seem to help when I am not trying to help. Seems like I do lots of things well when I try not to do them. But when I try, I get all fumbled up.
I am meant for something more in life than where I am right now. Probably is, I don't know where that something is, and I have no idea how to get there. I don't even know what my next step is.
Looking for car insurance right now. Taking another step to seperate financially from my parents. Have to get it within the next 10 days, or I have no insurance. Let me tell you, it is mighty fun looking at quotes.
Well, I think that sleeping pill that Erin gave me is really kicking in right now, so I shall go to sleep.
I do know that I loved. If not by Erin, then by my kitties, especially Columbus, or sleeps right by my feet when I go to bed. Like right now.