Sunday, Jun. 27, 2004 | 7:38 P.M.
I feel like a fool
I feel I have no reason for anything I say or do. And if I did have a reason, it is probably not a good reason or not even worth meantioning.
I don't want to see Erin dance with someone else. Why? To me, it seems obvious, but not to anyone else. I don't want to see another guy dance with her. I don't want to see him do the things I do when I dance with her. I don't want to see Erin getting into dancing with him. I don't want an image of this entering my mind, let alone seeing it happen before me. She says it doesn't matter because in the end, we will be going home together. To me, the reasonings, feelings, and the results do not matter, it is the actions that do.
I may be sweating the small stuff. Like today, we went to a major league ballgame - Rangers vs. Astros - in Dallas. About half way down to the stadium, I ask Erin if she has the tickets, well her pause told me that she didn't, so I get into a pissy mood and walk back to the car to get the tickets. She comes with because she had them last, and I have no idea where they might be, neither does she. Normal, advanced, mature - whatever you want to call them - people would push right by this as a small inconvience, but not I. I know some of you would feel the same way as I, that's just because we are pissy people that cannot control our emotions, and when things go bad, we think that our world is crumbling and nothing anyone can do will help us - that or selfish. And you know you are, even if you don't. I know I am.
I really don't know what I am afraid of. I just don't want to see it. It hurts me and I can't explain it.