Thursday, Jun. 24, 2004 | 10:58 P.M.
I'm stuck in something
It just kinda dawned on me why I haven't been able to write in my diary, or even sell a car lately - I feel bottled up. Like there is pressure that needs to be released, but I cannot find a way to release it. It is not like it is overbearing, just annoying, like a head cold. You feel muffled and out of it, but you're not sick, so you keep going. Anything you do, you don't do well, but not bad either. You are just kinda there. That's where I am right now.
Like I said, if I really did, I don't know I am like this right now. I really can't think of anything that is making me feel this way, and I can't think of anything that will get me out of this feeling. So I am kinda stuck.
Maybe I am pushing myself too hard at work, trying to sell cars. Maybe I am pushing my thoughts and feelings too far back into my head that when I do have time, I cannot let them out. Maybe I don't have enough time. Maybe I am gaining too much weight and I am getting depressed.
I don't know right now. I just need to feel some emotion, and I'm not. Maybe I need to hit my knees with a hammer to get some emotion out of me...