Sunday, Mar. 21, 2004 | 8:29 P.M.
Too much knowledge, not enough brains
*sigh*
What a way to start off an entry. In fact, my 300 entry.
As I come to my weekly journal, I've been thinking about what I should write about. Should I write about what is going on in my life, how I feel about my life, or get sureal and just yammer off something. Not saying that alot has gone on in my life, but just alot of shit has happened this past week, both in my head and in life, that I don't know if I should talk about them - enter in the sureal entry.
I will say this though, thank you, you three, for sending me a note. Granted I just read them because I can't look at diaryland at work, but thanks anyway. So, if you feel like sending me some words my way, see if you can send it through my guestbook. That is if you want me to see it soon, instead of a week.
I am sore...and tired right now. My shoulders, neck, and arms are all tense right now. I haven't been getting much sleep lately (mainly my fault), and working alot longer (at least it feels like it). I've had a drink every day since Tuesday (not counting today), and I have seen a fight (and got punched in the face), so you might say that I need to evaluate my situation and life.
I know that I do not trust my own thoughts and abilities in most areas of my life - why you may ask - I don't think I have an answer to that. I'm not assertive either, or aggressive, or even competitive. I don't know if I am just stupid or sissy or if I exist on another plane, or...even saying this makes me cringe...if I am better than most.
I don't like to think I am better than most people, or a town, or a place, or anything really. I don't like to critized or argue or pass judgement (unless you keep trying to pass judgement on me or yourself).
-Sidenote-
Why is a judge called a judge? They don't "judge" whether someone is guilty or innocent, they are there to make sure the lawyers don't go crazy and the jury hears what they need to hear...where is the judging?
I am really happy that I am with Erin. I don't think I could be with anyone else. So why do I want to have sex with other girls? Does that mean anything or am I just a normal guy wanting sex really bad? I like the feeling I get when I talk to other girls - I just like talking to other girls, I don't know what it is, I just do. I like cuddling with Erin. She's nice and warm.
Maybe I just need to be more aggressive and/or assertive, but not demanding. Stand up for myself I guess.
I was called gay this week by two girls, I think one was gay herself and the other her friend. Why, I don't know...maybe because I am flamboyant, I dress nice, not overly aggressive (male)....I don't know why they did, they just did.
I was drunk at the time they said this.
And I threw up later that night.
Erin took me out to drink the next two nights.
I think she wanted me to get sick and never drink again.
I think I am about to keel over with tiredness. I don't know if this was much of an entry, but it's all I can come up with.
Oh yeah, I've sold 5 cars this month. Three more to go...