Thursday, Jan. 08, 2004 | 1:16 A.M.
A new change.....again
Yeah, I decided to get a new templet. I saw it and just wanted it basically.
No word from my job interview. Was hoping to get a call today, but that may have been expecting too much. I hope I get called. Maybe I am expecting too much from them to call me, I don't know, I just want that job!
I don't think I can write anything else right now...
Oh, I just signed up to participate in the Discovery National Body Challenge. I hope I will take this seriously. There is always this debate on weight. I'm getting kinda tired of it. If you are happy being the weight you are (maybe overweight), should you change that? If you want to loose weight, but are being told you don't need to (you look fine, you're not fat, it suits you), should you go ahead anyways?
I mean, I feel I need to, but quoting from Bruce Almighty God (i.e. Morgan Frieman): "And when do people know what they want from themselves?" So, should I loose weight because I think it will make me feel better and look better, or do I just need to be happy the way I am and appreciate my body for the way it is? I hear both sides arguing - where do you draw that damn line at? I know I wouldn't be having this debate if I was, oh, say three inches taller, but I can't really change that...
I just want that money coming in so it can dull the problems I have (with money = debt) and get with a program. I know it is cheaper to just do it myself, but I like progress reports and I like someone with me there watching me, encouraging me to go on.
Oh yeah, when can I be happy or sad anymore?? If I am sad about being fat, someone says that I'm not fat, that person is fat - so I shouldn't feel sad anymore? If I am stressed about money problems and someone comes up to me about the problems of the world or how their child committed suicide, should I feel better about my situation? If I feel my life is in order, and people tell me that I should help others because of all the grief and strife in the world, should I feel sad and pity? I mean shit people, when can I have a god damn moment where I feel pity on myself?
I just had to get that out. Just seems that way to me sometimes.
Well, I think that is all I wrote, Diary...that was just lame. I was trying for a spoof of Murder, She Wrote; you know, Diary, I wrote - but it went backward and it's all fucked up...nevermind