Friday, Dec. 19, 2003 | 3:05 P.M.
I have the access
I suppose I should write something in here since I do have internet access. I'm on Hendrix campus in the computer lab checking stuff. Problem is this is the last day they are open until the next year, so I really do not know when I will be online again...well, I do, either Christmas Eve or Christmas day.
Speaking of Christmas, I gotta get Erin's gifts. I know what I am going to give her, I just need to get it. I'm also thinking whether I should be her another gift, but I can wait and see what she gets on Christmas and decide if I should get her another gift for her birthday.
Now begins the time for the cleaning of the apartment. I know I should be cleaning now, but seeing as this might be my last time in a while on the internet, I'm going to take my time. I've only been on here for an hour, not that bad. I think my parents are coming to help me tomorrow. I don't know if they are staying the night, and if they are, where they are staying the night. So my biggest cleaning task is to get the room where they might be staying clean, put things up, organize, and get stuff that I don't want, but they can take back all set up. That and hide any "scandalous" items that may be hanging around the place. I need to call them today to see if and when they are coming down. I got to work tomorrow from 4-8 and I have a hair appointment at 1:30, so I probably should get up early, just in case.
Yeah, I got no cable or internet at my apartment; a sad state for me, I know. But I got a killer 13" tv with a vcr man, yeah! And my computer so I can play DVD's, so I'm not without cause here.
I'm still wondering what my "purpose" in life is, what I was cut out to do. I was good in high school...good in math, science, history...those types of areas...not soo much english or languages, did not want to pursue those areas in college, so i went the way of politics. Now, is math/science/history in high school different from politics in college...the basics or core of it, I really don't think so. But here is a twist, I know during these times, I thought about becoming an actor, singer, dance instructor, and a massage therapist - all areas seemingly not associated with math/science/politics. So, what does this tell me about what I want to do or what I am good at?
Anyone?
Cause I got no idea...
I'm thinking about taking some classes during my time in plano/dallas area to see if I want to be a paralegal or business or marketing or law or whatever type person. If so, then great, if not, onto something else - that and to take conversatinal spanish. I think that might be good down in dallas. Holla. Mi yamo Chadwin...or whatever.
But if all this doesn't work out, I think I will consider massage therapy as a career or moreso, a lifestyle. Everyone says I'm good, so we'll just see.
Is it bad that I am anxious (in a bad way) to move down with Erin's parents? I feel like I should help in some way, but I don't know what way that is? Should I speak my mind, or only talk when asked? I've talked this over with Erin, and ultimately, I feel I'm going to be used by everyone in that household for their own causes. To be used as a pawn to get their point across. I don't want that to happen, but I do want to help. What is happening in that house right now is becoming destructive. I know it has been said that every side has tried everything and nothing has worked - I personally don't believe that, but I've been told not to say anything that might damage authority or side-taking, so again, I am left to side and squander my thoughts into my head while my body is ready to erupt with furious emotion. Healthy, don't you think?
Well, now where to go?
Coming up on two hours on the computer, I think I better stop this entry before it becoming senseless rambles. Alright, I'll see you when I see you.