Wednesday, Oct. 01, 2003 | 11:04 A.M.
Try as I might....
I cannot stay away from this diary.
I am miserable right now, though. I have been thinking why I have been avoiding this diary. I think one reason, if not the main one, is not showing my emotions and feelings. It's not like they are that depressing where you all will worry if I am going to kill myself; no, I think it is more of me realizing or feeling that I am a failure and a worthless person and conveying that in this diary for all to see.
Yeah, that is a big reason.
I notice that some people, though I do not know who, have deleted me from their buddy list. I can understand, if I am no longer writing, why keep me? So from 84 to 78. I'm sure some of you are thinking, "78! Hell, I can barely get 40, and he's complaining about going down to 78!?!" Yeah, weird.
If you have noticed, I do have my pictures of my layout back. But I am contemplating getting a new layout, so I am searching for the right one, one that shows how I am feeling right now, or maybe, how I want to feel. I don't know.
Well, to let you all know, I am not leaving, just in case you didn't pick that up. I'm just afraid to write in here. Basically a reflection upon myself in words and shown to others - the ultimate fear I have.
Well, I think I better get ready. I think I am quitting my AFLAC job. That means I need to find one full-time job or two (maybe three) part-time jobs. Today and tomorrow I'm heading to LR to find jobs there. Wish me luck, because I don't have much left in me.