Thursday, Jul. 31, 2003 | 11:59 A.M.
another confidence problem, like I don't have enough of them
Yeah, just in case you are just reading my diary for the very first time, I have a confidence problem, or I should say, I don't have much confidence...mainly in me.
I mean, I have been handling my confidence problems for a while, and I think I have gotten used to it while at school, and started fixing it, but now that I am out of school, I have another confidence problem, my job.
In my job, I go to business and try to set up some kind of short meeting describing what my company can do for their business and their employees. Well, most business owners do not want to be bothered with trivial things like a person that is not there to purchase something, so after constant no's and we've seen it and someone has already been here and I have enough and you are in a tough business...you know, you start to wonder if you are doing anything worth while.
Yeah, I believe in my product. There are things in there that will help everyone in these situations, but no one things they will get cancer, get in an accident, be disabled, have to go to the hospital, or have a stroke/heart attack - who wants to think about those things, not anyone I have talked to at the moment.
So, with all this going on, I really don't want to go out to work. Yeah, some of it is confidence, some of it is fear, and the other is this desire or whatever I have to not annoy people. I don't like people annoying me, so I don't want to annoy people, and what is more annoying than a person trying to sell something that they think they don't want. Yeah, annoying.
This really isn't an entry. More of a *put down put down put down put down* of myself. Yeah, I think my biggest thing is not wanthing to annoy someone. And people get anoyed when the same company keeps coming back over and over.
I don't know what I want. I don't know what will make me happy for an occupation, well, I think I do - massage therapy, but I don't know about that now. I just want to do well, and I know that means work my ass off, but my negative talk keeps me down. I think I describe it as a person that has ADHD and terrets. Yeah, fun huh. I guess I just don't feel like I am getting any support from my co-workers or coordinaters, but I guess I have to inniatate that, but who knows. I just want some help and support.