Wednesday, Feb. 19, 2003 | 3:27 P.M.
I AM A FAILURE
Just like the title says: I AM A FAILURE.
I'm not graduating.
I may be graduating, but I'm not graduating when I am supposed to.
I don't want to walk as if I am, that would be lying, and it is the day for the people who ARE sucessfull and who DO deserve this achievement.
I do not deserve a degree.
I want to quit.
Because I can't do this anymore...I haven't done anything.
And that's why I am a failure.
A lazy, stupid, naive, jack-ass failure.
I want to leave and do something else and never get a college degree.
Because if I couldn't now, I shouldn't be able to - EVER.
I've spent 5 years here, I can't take much more.
So what is one more month or summer to me for doing it this long?
AN ETERNITY OF FAILURE THAT I COULDN'T GET THIS DONE IN THE TIME THAT A NORMAL PERSON WOULD.
Or maybe, I'll just stay here and never graduate.
Take ALL my parents money just so they can see me fail, because that is all I am doing.
I am a waste on this place called Earth.
I have no real place here, but to bring people down with me, and no one wants that, not even me.
I don't want to be here (which is everywhere humanly and spiritually possible).
I wonder what people will think of me now...since I can't graduate.
I wonder what people thought of me before...when I didn't graduate on time.
Probably the same as I do to myself now.
I CAN'T DO IT.
I'M A FAILURE.
p.s.
Don't talk to me because you didn't and that makes you a failure. I don't want to hear that shit. You are working, actually making money and stimulating this fuck of a country. I'm just taking away from it.
I should just quit now and go be a massage therapist. Spend the rest of my life serving others. You know why? Because I can't serve myself. I am dependent on others. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here, now would I?