Sunday, Feb. 16, 2003 | 9:18 P.M.
and the days go on
I meant to do this on Valentine's Day, but I never got around to it. Here is one explaination for the reason there is a Valentine's Day. I had another one, but the website isn't working, so here's one of them. I have also found that there are very few holidays that have no connection a pagan festival or a christian/papal holiday. Valentine's Day is no exception. So, if there was any doubt, now you know.
Also, I don't think I meantioned anything about my birthday, which was Feb. 7. I am now 23. Yep, I am old man, considering that I am in college. Now, I know that lots of adults are in college, but I do not think that there are any adults going to our school, because it is a private, liberal arts institution. So, yeah, I feel pretty old, and I also feel that I should be working, which probably I would be more happy at.
So, what's been keeping me busy (though I deny it and try to find some way of avoiding doing the things I should be doing, but rather not do because it is boring and I would rather find something that entertains me better)? Well, I got my normal homework, extra work from class, choir, play rehearsal, and comps. If I gave up TV, relaxing time, and some sleep, I can get all of this done without any problem, but do I want to sacrifice the time that I have to myself for the things that need to get done that will, in the end, give me all the time in the world? Would I do it? I'd rather not; I'd like my personal time to try and relax. Maybe I just have a fear of how I will be. I keep myself in check so I will not be able to let loose on my emotions, because as I have seen in myself, I do not have control over my emotions, and if I can find anyway to control or constrict them, I need to.
Funny how I am discussing this, and the play we are doing has to do with a woman, Alice, that has always been told to keep control of her outbreaks, she must stay calm, and not have her outbreaks; and here I am, trying to not have any outbreaks or break-downs.
I wonder if what I've done during college will come back to haunt me later in life? Like my GPA. I know that people have told me that my GPA doesn't matter when I get into the work-force, but I get nervous when they ask my GPA. And if I decide to go back to school, my GPA will come into the mix eventually.
Eh, I don't want to think about this anymore. It just brings me down. I guess there is a monkey in the back of everyone's head that says while jumping up and down, "You're going to fuck-up". No wonder people hit there heads when they do something stupid. There's trying to stop that damn monkey from laughing.