Thursday, Feb. 06, 2003 | 11:19 P.M.
I don't know what I am writing, I just want to write this before my birthday comes in my time
Yeah, the title pretty much sums up things. I am just adding an entry so I can have my 200th entry on my birthday, which is the 7th (can't say tomorrow because in some places, it is tomorrow). I have recieved many lovely accolades of admiration from my many fans about my birthday.
Grr...I do hold myself back for many reasons, in life and in this diary. I suppose it is easier to not succeed and stay the same than taking a chance at avoiding failure. Sometimes, I don't know why I do hold myself back. Which is why, on certain instances, I try not to hold back or put myself in an environment where I don't have to hold back. Like acting. Perhaps it is I have to turn into another person, another personality, another character, so in that, I don't have to be myself, I am someone else. I can put aside my feeling and feel the feelings of another person. Almost therapy.
I still feel like I do not have enough time during the day to get things done. If I lived at home, I would, because I wouldn't have to worry about making dinner, or cleaning house, or finding out about birthday plans, most of that stuff is done for me, but now, I have to do those things, and that takes time out of my schedule to do them. I probably still can, but I would have to forgo sleep, relaxing, and the computer, and I really think I need those thing in order to get through the day. I probably can get through the day, but I just might not be happy about it.
I'm sure you all were expecting something more chipper since my birthday will be, according to my clock, in 10 minutes. But hey, for some, it is just another day. Maybe for me, it is like my life: I want to be recognized for being me.