Wednesday, Oct. 23, 2002 | 11:42 P.M.
a week later...
Yes, it has been a week. Soo much has happened in that week, and yet, I feel like I am not going to have a long entry. I don't know why. Sometimes I get, I don't know, bored maybe, or just do not have the energy to write in my diary (that was a pretty sad statement).
Let's see if I can do this in a very interesting way. I am going to try to recap, but without telling you what happened. I don't understand it myself, so here it goes.
I often get tentative when it comes to voicing my opinion, espically when it involves people that are not my family (even I cannot voice my opinions to my family); let's rephrase that, I have a hard time voice my opinion. So when I do have an opinion and I do not express it, I tend to get moody. It doesn't get any better when I hear people continue to talk and I get more and more opinions that I cannot express. Almost makes me depressed.
I sometimes do not express myself the way I want to, or do not show enough emotion. Sometimes, I just want to act stupid, or stupid to others, like run out in the rain, dancing in the middle of the road, just say random things. I don't think I do because I want to be different, but I do because I truly want to. I do like it when I can express myself, though I may not do it with my mouth, but with attire or gestures (It's not guns that kill people, it's manuveurs...How are things going Dr. Hymlick? Not very well at the momment. It's not really a manuveur, it's more of a gesture. - Those who know Eddie Izzard will appreciate this). It is not like I don't mind rain or getting wet, I just don't like getting dirty.
I don't mind driving, but sometimes, I want other to burden the length of driving that I do, but at the same time, I feel comfortable driving. This is a short one...
Hmm...what else...I am finding not good ways to making me feel better when I am down, or I am not liking myself. I normally do something that does not make other people happy, or something that is only short term, or in some bizarre way, puts me on a pedastal. I know that maybe my psych will help, maybe some paxil cx or whatever that new thing is, or some self help book, but not right now. Right now I am going to read the words of the Dali Lamba. I bought a book not too long ago that I hope will help me tremendously.
I really do not want to be at school right now. I think I am the opposite of how I was earlier. I just don't want to go to class, but just to read the books that I need to write my papers, and just hand them in. For some of my classes, we just discuss the book to write our papers with, and that is just silly. Maybe I am just ready to get out of college, which I am, God am I ever ready!!
I am sure there is something else that I should say...maybe these links will help...if I can find them. Well, this is how I feel, or better yet, this is what I believe will happen when a woman approaches me.
I am sorry for lacking in my reviews, but I will try to change that by picking most likely tomorrow to do all of the reviews that I need. That is the kind of person I am.
Yeah, I am just ranting right now. Have you figured out when I've done this week? I just didn't feel like saying I did this, I did that. That and I kinda forgot, so this makes it easier. And I just don't know when to quit typing this entry, so I will stop now. I hope all of you are pleased, happy, giddy, and other uplifting words.