Monday, Oct. 14, 2002 | 4:16 P.M.
it's those little sharp pebbles that really piss you off
Yes, I let little things bother me. Why do you ask, sometimes I don't know. I do know that I like to do things right the first time, and if that means being perfect or doing it perfectly, then that is my goal. But as you can see, or hear, or read, I am far, far, far from being anywhere close to perfect. So why do I continue to strive for this perfection? I don't know. I like to do things right, the first time; I don't like messing up.
This is why I get into moods; when I don't do something right, like get the right canned tomatos from the grocery store, and because of that, I have to go back. I don't like that, it pisses me off. I should have known better than to get those tomatoes, I knew I should have gotten the plain kind. So I blame myself; whoelse is there to blame? And because of that initial start, I begin my mood, and it grows and grows from every little thing I do wrong, or not wrong, just not right or perfect.
Why, I don't know why? If I did, don't you think I would try to fix it, or do you think that this is some psychological cry for help that I need attention and this is the only way I can get that attention from people?
I don't know, I'm just pissed at myself. At least I'm not going out in the world and inflicting pain toward others. At least I have that much sense.