Tuesday, Apr. 02, 2002 | 11:56 A.M.
in a funk of somekind.....
i don't know what it is, but i am in a funk right now. it really started last night when i was making my entry. i don't know what came over me, but i guess it was a feeling a worthlessness...hollowness....meaningless.....directionless....basically a boundness of failure. i really don't know where it came from...maybe from me missing class and feeling like i am falling behind and can't catch up and will ultimately fail and be nothing. i know, lovely thoughts on a lovely day.
i guess it really all stems from a lack of confidence in myself. i don't know how long i've had it, but i guess around 10 years now...i don't know how to counteract these thoughts and feelings, and they always pop up and basically ruin my day or whatever. this is what holds me back from going out, getting better grades, studying, looking like crap, not caring...and many other things. but i just can't get out of it sometimes....maybe b/c i don't know how, or b/c i don't want to deep down inside...afraid of what will happen if i don't have this fear when the fear comes back or something like that....i don't know.
i guess i will leave it at this for now. dont' know what else to type so i will go now. hope all of your days are as bright and shiny as this day as been....hopefully for me too....