Wednesday, Jun. 10, 2009 | 2:14 P.M.
A sea of wrong
Almost a year since my last entry. Again, don't know if I am going to use this anymore. I did tell my therapist that I am going to write in a journal when I get stressed, and I shall, but if I am at work, I think this will work just as well.
Lots has happened in a weeks time. I hurt my ankle (bruises galore), lost my cat, the transformer outside my house has blown twice, and I think the A/C is on the fritz. Because of my ankle, I haven't been able to do as many things as I used to, so my wife has picked up where I left off...and this makes me anxious.
It's not soo much I don't think she can do these things, I just think I should do these things or at least help her out. Like today, she wants to mow the lawn. I've never seen her mow before but she tells me she used to when living with her parents. I never mowed the lawn until we got this house 3 years ago. While I can walk better on my ankle, the unevenness of the ground makes walking very difficult, so she's going to mow. She also went grocery shopping with the two kids by herself. I've done it before and it makes me incredibly anxious, so I didn't want her to do it alone, but she demanded that I stayed home and rest while she shopped (which I didn't - I ended up cooking dinner).
I was that person that didn't mind clutter or messes around the house; now I can't stand it. I don't know what's happening to me, except I have brought to my mind that if I can't be SuperDad, I am a failure at being a Dad. So I pick up the kids, get them home, get them dinner, bathe them, brush teeth, play with them, squeeze in potty training, get them in pj's, read them a story, put them to bed; and then go out and clean the house. I've gotten to the point that if I relax, I am doing something wrong-which is why I do some unpleasant things on the internet; I've stressed myself soo far that I cannot relax.
With my wife changing jobs with normal business hours, this will subside. But at this point, I am just confused and anxious.