Tuesday, Aug. 24, 2004 | 7:08 P.M.
Strange looking at it from this side
I've done alot of cleaning of my diary lately, namely my profile. Go check it out if you want. The main thing I did was try and update everyone's comment. I like using quirky comments because, to me, that's when people begin to bring out their true personality. Some diaries were harder to find those comments than others, but I believe I did a good job. I like changing up comments after a while, because I know I'd like comments changed about me every now and then. It gets kinda tiring when I know someone's been reading me for, I don't know, over 6 months and I'm still a "new read".
I've also eliminated some people from my reading list. I just went over some diaries and decided on the ones I wanted and didn't. Nothing real personal against the ones I didn't, just a preference. The hardest part was deleting the diaries of people that I read during college, of my college classmates. I know they haven't updated in 3 months, and it may be because they are now getting back to school, but it was weird deleting them and not seeing their name. I'm sorry if you all still update and I just don't know about it. Let me know if you do.
It is just my way, I guess, of moving on. I don't know why I can't keep my past in my present. I never really have - I don't know why. I know when I leave this job, I probably won't keep up with people like I want to. I just do that. I don't understand it.
Speaking of work. It is now 7:15 PM and we have had...uhm...4 customers today. Wow! Now that's what you call a shitty day. I'm still low on the totem pole as far as sales...I just need to get to 12 so I can get more money. They have talked about transfering me to internet where I would get more customers and deal with the people who search on the internet, but I feel I need to prove to them in some way that I can do that by myself. And not selling alot of cars is a way, I think, to deny me that position.
I've been called a non-conformist by two people lately. Seems strange to be called that when it seems I desire soo much acceptance from people, why wouldn't I be a comformist. Maybe those are two different subjects, I don't know.
I've also noticed that the beginning of school is starting around the world. Whether it be Jr. High, High School, or College, school is starting. And I am seeing and reading all this animosity(whatever) toward school and classes and teachers and homework and everything I used to do when school started. And right now, as I am reading these things, I am honestly thinking - "This is soo fucking stupid!"
I'm sorry. It is. It really is. I know I felt these same ways, but damn, putting soo much effort and soo much pressure on myself and how everything seemed to fall apart back then...shit, that's nothing. It really is nothing. This class is boring, teacher hates me, these bitches keep talking about me, I hate my life...I don't know. Say what you will, which I know you will, that I have been through it, or I don't know what you are going through, or my situation was different - believe me, it isn't. As they always say where I work - "Same shit, different laxative."
But at the same time, I know why we do these things. It IS our lives at this time, so it is a big deal. But man, it makes me wonder how much I could have achieved if I quit being such a fucking downer to myself during my school years.
Oh yeah, JB's entry is really funny. Well, maybe not all of it, as you can see, it covers the basic drift of my earlier entries, but the last part. Wow, I mean wow. That should be his new comment - classic.
I don't think there is really anything else to say right now, but I have 90 minutes left until I get off. Yippie!