Tuesday, Oct. 01, 2002 | 11:43 P.M.
gold for all the wrong reasons.......
i like putting really really strange subject lines and seeing if they make sense in the grand scheme of things. most likely not, but oh well, who cares.
i can tell right now that i am in a really strange mood, i don't know what kind of mood, but it is strange to say the least.
i didn't have voice lessons today, but not in the way you would think. instead of singing, we talked all 30 minutes of the time that i had. basically we talked about me and my feelings about school and how i really don't want to do anything and just get it over with. i mean damn, i've been here for 5 years now, i want out.
for some reason, i want to write a deep entry, but i do not think my brain, fingers, or just body does not want to deal with the ramifications of those thoughts. might put me in a coma.
i am just avoiding work. the voice teacher said i needed to change a little thing about me for a day or week, then change something else, and so on and so on, until i have reached my goal. well, i think i have already entered one goal, but it isn't the homework bit, as you can tell though i did go to the library and did some hour long research looking for books i need for a paper. so i did do some work today. perhaps i need to make a list of things i need to change, accomplish, achieve, goals, desires, fantasies, dreams, do.....i ran out of words. and a list of things that i want to get rid of (i'm not going to do what i did earlier with this).
i know i want good grades and i know i have to study to get those grades, which means time must be situated in order for me to study and when i do study during those times, i need to concentrate enough to comprehend the material enough to be able to discuss it in class or enough to write a paper about it. that's alot of things that i need to do just to get good grades. seems weird, got good grades in high school and didn't study much. maybe i just didn't have a life, and now i do(or think i do). most likely it has to do with that i can go out and see people whenever i want, and in high school, i didn't.
i just don't feel like writing anymore. i probably have more to say or need to say, b/c i did feel better after i talked to my voice teacher and should spend my time writing down my thoughts in order to get through them, but as usual, i got my brick wall to stop that from happening. it is like i have a berlin wall that comes down and goes back up in my head. no wonder i have loud noises at night.
anyways, just wanted to leave you with a little tid bit of info about me. i thought i have moved passed this phase, but i guess that i am still the same guy that i was in high school with women.
i guess some things never change, and some things always change....like the tv.
i want to scream but i do not have the voice to do it, or maybe the mental capacity to emmit a primortial yell or words like that that mean the same thing.....yeah.
i got legs.
do you like bread?
i have a french loaf...*bang*
bye...........i love you.....