Saturday, Jul. 27, 2002 | 2:40 A.M.
looking through daddy's eyes
Of recent events, I've decided to look at things through the eyes of my father, or better yet, through my eyes as a father. scary, huh...me a father.
anyways, what would i do if my son/daughter did things that are either illegal (under age drinking, pot) or are against what i believe. I've seen what my parents do and what other parents do. for one, my parents do not know what all i do b/c i don't tell them. I don't think it is their business. I have done things that are questionable and are icky (i'm not tell you in here either!) and i would rather not tell them. I know I really didn't do anything bad before I got to college. maybe that was my intent, or I just didn't have the guts...or connections...the party people didn't see me as one. what would they say now.
anyways, I've tried many things: cigarettes, cigars, alcohol, pot, and x. besides the illegal things, i did the illegal legal thing, drinking under age when i got to college...oh, and sex before marriage with my girlfriend. my parents know i believe all but the x. now here comes the test. what would i do, would i get mad, would i understand.....???
i don't know. the underage drinking not really, unless it got out of control or frequently. cigarettes...maybe, b/c i know, or think, they are more addictive than alcohol, and can mess up your lungs and voice. pot, same as the alcohol and cigarettes, just combine them. sex before marriage, hmm...toughy, i just hope if they do, they know what they are doing, what goes along with it, and that they are using protection....and aren't young! now with x....i just tried it and i was a 4 year old smacked up on sugar. i can understand the risks and the non-risks, like pot and alcohol. i've seen the commercials against it, but i also realize that if you didn't take x and are in a non a/c building dancing for 4 hours without water, you might pass out too, duh! when it comes to harder drugs...no no no no and no. porn, well, just keep it under control as well as sex toys and things.
now what if i find out these things and the people they are doing it with....what should i do. i know or i feel like i am taking the laizze-faire approach to parenting...the kids will just figure it out or they will do it anyway, which i kinda belief. sometimes, they will just do it. strange to think about me having children running around me hugging me, then them running away from me. parenting has to be the hardest responsibility in life. and why is it that we, as children, learn this lesson so late in life that we drive our parents crazy?
do we not believe them, or think they are "too old" for the times. i don't think people or families have changed that much, maybe the things they do, but not the conflict. before it was the kids fault for not getting it together, now it is the parents fault b/c they were bad parents or not responsible. every day i think about choices coming from the group mentality and from the individual, i'm glad i took modern political thought. in the class, i read a book called non-zero. basically, it tells us that to succeed in this society and future, we must look out and do what is best for us, but also, what is best for those around us. not what is best for the group is best for me, or what is best for me is what is best for the group, it's in the middle, which i am finding out is the basis of life, or my life at least, that damn middle ground between the extremes. it's like a fucking penny between two cities and finding it. damn hard!
anyways, where was i???? i know parents expect alot from their children or want them to achieve alot, and kids just want their parents to leave them alone b/c they are big enough to know everything. both is full of shit, moreso on the kids side. how in the hell do we think we know everything, was that programed in our heads??? to work well, communication is key, or at least, and understanding or cooperation.
it's going to be great when i look back on this diary when i am a father and say to myself, what the fuck what i thinking???