Thursday, Jun. 05, 2003 | 1:14 A.M.
maybe i should just write
Strange how it is possible that a diary review has made me write less than I normally have been. I dont' remember which diary review said this, but it said that I should only write when I have something intellegent to say, or worth while, and so, I go weeks without updating because nothing I have to say is worth while. Funny how that works out.
So here I am. I need to, somehow, get my thoughts out. It sucks that most of my thoughts come when I cannot be around the computer or anything, like in the car. I always get idea from driving, and by the time I have arrived home, the idea is either gone, or has dwindled into a thought, and doesn't seem as powerful as it once did.
Trying to loose weight (who isn't) by eating less and becoming more of a vegetarian. Don't know if it will last since I love meat, but I might end up cutting back on meats, and I think I need to cut back on carbs, i.e. pizza or other things like that. I also think that I need to eat a bit more during the day, because at night, I can't stop eating. I can during the day, but not at night. It's just strange.
Sometime this week, I am actually heading out to look for a job. I have two places in mind, and I am hoping that one of them will hire me. Erin is worried that I will not be able to handle certain job aspects, but I dont' know who can, it's more of displacing yourself from the situation, or seeing the bigger picture. Who knows now, until I can do it.
I got Katie (Agent) staying over tonight. It is always nice to have people come over when school is out. I know people came over during school, but I find that on most cases, when they are close or on campus, they come over sometimes, but if not, they don't, so it is nice for someone to come over and spend the night, though I do not know how long she is staying, though I do not care.
I can hear Erin snoring behind me right now.
I remember last summer was my "summer of thought" chapter in my diaryland book. I had lots of very philosphical questions, thoughts, and answers during this time period. Perhaps it is because I didn't have school work or other things to way my mind down. Or maybe it is because it was the first time I really wrote down what I was thinking, and it all just came out. Now, it seems like I am holding back. Dont' know if I really am, but I'm not saying much about worldly things or humanity much anymore, mainly my insanity. It just isn't coming out.
I'm not really worried. I do believe I have improved greatly since I have started this diary. I don't think I am as depressive as I was. I think I see myself in a better light (though I will admit it still isn't a good light, but better), and I do not get depressed like I used to, so something I am doing is working.
I think when I can focus my energy into something, whether it be this diary, or maybe having a job, these entries will take on a differnt approach, but as for right now, I really do not feel like writing about what I have done for the day. Not like it is boring, but also, not really of concern for you all. That, and I do not do much of anything, so it would be a short entry, and I don't like those (not all the time, at least).
Well, I think I have worn out my welcome. Thank you for that one person that has signed my guestbook. It meant alot to me to know that someone still reads this damn thing.