Thursday, Mar. 27, 2003 | 1:11 A.M.
I STILL don't know...so quit asking
Well, that's good that those quizzes on my last entry didn't fuck up my layout.
Speaking of which, it's a new layout. I guess how I ended my last entry, that is what I wanted for a layout. I always say that I want to go to the mountains or someplace with a hint of solitude, but I guess I day dream of paradise - you know, beaches, sun, clear skies - things like that. Maybe it just put my mind at ease to hear constant sounds of waves and wind, to see strong colors of blue and white and green. It almost puts me at peace thinking about it.
Then my mind decides to backdoor me and fucks me back to reality where it hurts. And reality does hurts. And sucks - well, not really because mouth...anyways, I actually studied for my comps today. I drove out to the lake and rolled down my windows and studied for a long as I could - which was about an hour or so. I still don't know how these professors believe that we will study 3-6 hours a day on school work - I can barely do two, or I freak out.
Tomorrow night, Erin and I are going to Harrison to see my parents and other family members. We are only staying two nights, so not a long trip, but hopefully, a somewhat relaxing one. So that means I will be studying for my comps pretty much all day tomorrow so most of friday, I will begin to learn my lines for class. Then when I get back, I need to go to the library on campus so I can start on my Lit. Review that is due Tuesday morning. Stupid fuckin profs and there get things done on break habits.
All I know is, I really want a break, like a real break, where I do relax and not have to worry about things. Erin promised that sometime in the next two years, she will take me to that imaginary beach where I lean on the porch looking at the sky and water, as the breeze hits my face and ruffles my clothes. Then, and probably one then, will you actually see me smile; a genuine smile. Those are rare for me. So you see, I have a sad smile, like the quiz says. Just like my eyes; full of life, but with a sadness behind it.
Don't I rock the party?