Thursday, Dec. 24, 2009 | 4:49 P.M.
A Father Alone
I am on my iPod Touch typing out this entry, even though my laptop isn't but 5 feet from me. Just don't feel like getting up. I don't know what is up with me today. I understand that some events have upset me, but I still have this lingering feeling of desperation. It really set in when I was pretty much alone at the house. My wife was at work, my daughter was out shopping with my mother and sister in-law, and my son and father in-law were napping. And with my in-laws in town, the house is pretty much clean. So I am sitting here with nothing to do, and I don't like it. It's weird. Most of my adult life, I could not wait till people were out of the house so I could do what I wanted to do, which was usually video games or watch tv. Now, it seems if I don't have kids to watch over or something to clean, I am lost.
I guess parenthood has finally caught up to me. My kids life has completely surpased my own. I feel like a housewife right now, and I don't like it. What I really don't like is feeling guilty for doing what I want, when I want. I don't watch the tv programs I usually watch and I cannot remember the last time I played a video game. I have lost the ability to have fun. Isn't that sad? Especially around this time of the year.
Maybe it is because family is in town, and I am always on edge and not as pleasant. It is like I lose my ability to be funny, and if you know me, I am pretty damn funny.
I am hoping I can learn, not just around this holiday season, but for next year and the rest of my life, to learn how to have fun and not worry about problems, even if they are big problems. If my kids are happy and they love me, that should be enough for me to be happy. And I know they do. They usually tell me every day.
So as I end this entry, I hope everyone has a great Christmas day tomorrow. And if you can, give a helping hand to those who need it the most. Happy Holidays guys.